Better late then never

*I started writing this post on Monday and never sat down to finish it. Sorry its boring!

Alot has went on over this Memorial Day weekend, but nothing that I felt was important enough to share right then. Friday Landon went to spend the week with his dad. It is so hard sending that little guy over there, but I don't feel like I have much choice & really don't wanna stir the pot. After he left on Friday we set up the baby pool for the little ones. Miranda came out and played with them while mommy got her tan on! Joel headed out to Starbucks for some teas and cake pops and got pulled over by the cops. Our registration was dead on the van and he didn't have his seat belt on. Great. That may be the must expensive trip to Starbucks if the magistrate doesn't throw it out!

Richard with the greasy fair food!

On Saturday we headed up to Fairmont for the 3 Rivers Festival to eat the greasy fair food and watch fireworks. As soon as we got home and pulled in our parking space the van died. The fuel pump went out on it. Thank God we were home and not on the road. Fairmont is about 20 minutes from were we live. It would have been a long night if it would have died on the interstate.

My sister surprised me with a Chevy Metro when I was a sophomore in high school. It was perfect for me back in the day but now 10 years later with a husband and 3 kids, it's just not working anymore. It's became my husbands work car. I have put it in a few ditches, Joel has hit a few deer, and the back doors are stuck! I am almost embarrassed to be seen in the poor car, but it still runs pretty good and gets great gas mileage. Since the van broke down we have been driving that silly ol' thing around.

Richard had a doctors appointment yesterday in Morgantown and we had to take the car. I am quite surprised that it made it there in back! Its not that long of a drive about 40 minutes each way, but it was pretty rough with no ac and the fact that the kids had to be put in through the windows. When we got home we were able to get the van towed to a shop that was booked for about two weeks straight. I was so upset when I found out I might not have my van for two weeks, Joel is leaving next week for some training & if the van didn't get fixed asap I would be with out a car from Sunday till he got home on Thursday evening. Since we had to get the sticker & registration for the van and talk to the magistrate Joel swung by the shop to get the old registration and proof of insurance out of the glove box and to his surprise they had it in the bay working on it. Some how they got it in and fixed in less then 24 hours! I couldn't have been more happy when Joel called to tell me that it was fixed!

Landon with Coach Dave!

Landon had is last soccer game of the season tonight. I am so proud of him, he is such a great little guy. I am glad that our schedule will open up more now, but then again it was so much fun watching him and his time play and be silly together. His team and the families met for ice cream a local little place called Toni's after the game. Of course since he is still at his dads this week his grandma brought him...but it was nice spending some time with him and letting him play with his brother & sister.

The kids ate their ice cream, played around, made a mess, received their trophies, and played some more! It was a great season with some amazing kids, and a wonderful coach "Go Fireballs!"

Fat Girl Acting Thin

My weight has always been a problem but I didn't want other people to see how big of an issue it really was. My pride was way larger then my weight. I just wanted to feel normal and act like extra pounds of fat didn't effect me or my feelings at all.

All the stereotypes that we have about heavier people are always in the back of my head. I would go on walks, not to get healthy but hoping that people wouldn't think that I was a lazy fat person. I shouldn't care about what people think but I wouldn't even go to the gym because I was scared the healthier fit folks would think negatively of me for getting so big.

The summer before Joel & I got married, I would spend the weekends at his parents house in Ohio. We were always outside. We would be out there with the kids playing, having cook outs, or church events would be going on. We would go on walks around the yard or play ball. The yard was huge and came to a "point" before it dropped off. It was a great little semi wooded area, great for picnics, bomb fires, or just to sit back and watching the traffic on Route 11. I always joined in whatever was going on, but when church & extended family events I would have rather been hiding in a hole or just sitting at the point by myself.
I was about 200-210lbs at that time felt like I needed to impress everyone and some how make up for being fat. At picnics I would not eat a a normal serving size, I didn't want people to think that Joel's girl friend was a pig or to hear rude comments from the old mouthy people. If some one would ask if I wanted more, I would reply with "No thank you I am stuffed." Then I would binge as soon I left. Or when the kids wanted to play ball or chase...I would but then I would hide from the other adults till I could caught my breath.

Really all of it boils down to low self esteem & trying to pretend I was something I wasn't. I can't say that since losing the weight that my self esteem has sky rocketed. I do feel better about myself but I am still that same girl. I still have down falls and upsets, as well as my sometimes low self esteem. I am learning and changing everyday, its not all about the weight as it is the mental changes too.

***side note I should be adding pictures after 5pm this evening!

Daily Weight

BMI chart from March '11 -April '12

Most mornings I get up and weigh myself on our Wii, every morning use our bathroom scale. I use the Wii just to be able to track my progress with the BMI & weight charts. They say that you should only weight yourself once a week, but I (& my ocd) feel better knowing the number on the scale. It keeps me accountable and it helps reinforce good habits. When I see the number going up I know that I did something wrong the last few days and I need to change it up a bit, when the numbers are going down its a nice little pat on the back and its like "Keep up the good work!"

March '11 my bmi was 40.78 Feb '12 my bmi
was 24.96...finally normal!

This morning I weighed in at 147. Not too bad since near the beginning of the month I was 158. My long term goal is 130-135lbs, but my focus right now is to lose the weight that I put back on in April. I got a little to cocky with myself and how well I had done over the last year and stopped logging my food, ate whatever, and stopped my morning Wii Fitness weigh in. I ended up going from 138-158...a whooping 20lbs. I can't believe how close I was to my goal then I let it slip away.

March '11-June '11

When ever my clothes became too big I headed straight to Goodwill with my trash bag of clothes. My fear was if I kept them in the house I would be less likely of maintaining my weight loss. If I gained weight back I would probably just grab the next size up that was hiding in my closet, and it looks like that worked for me! When I gained that 20lbs back, my shirts were getting too clingy and my pants were really snug. I only had two or three shirts that I would wear because they flared out under my bust and wouldn't show my muffin top. So I once again said enough is enough and it was back to the grid iron. I started my daily tracking on the Wii again (5/10/12) and I am logging my food again.

 I will make it to my goal no matter what! I am far too smart to be the only thing standing in my way! I got this!

A day out with mom

My mom, my babies, & me!

Yesterday we took my mom to her home town of St Marys West Virginia for her younger brothers calling hours. Normally taking your mom somewhere wouldn't be that big of a deal but if you have read my about me section you will notice that she had one of her legs removed this year. She was in therapy for a while but checked herself out of the rehabilitation center to come home, where she sits in bed all day and does nothing. She is weak and won't even try to help her self. So needless to say this trip was a HUGE production to get her there and yes we took the kids too...we are brave folks!

Every time we of out of the van Joel would have to pick my mom up, swing her out of the seat, and set her in her chair. I would stand behind the wheel chair and grab her bottom to kinda move her where she needed to go or to push her back up into the van. Also I was the pusher! I never realized how hard it was to push those chairs on different surfaces...my aunt Mary's yard just about killed me. I am so sore today in my back and shoulders. The whole day yesterday was mentally & physically exhausting for everyone.

Me and Mom

It is so sad to see my mom so helpless, but I am very happy that still have my mom and that my hubby & I were able to get her out of the house to interact with other people. She definitely needed that, it was too cute watching her with her old friends and family yesterday and listening in on their conversations. I don't think that mom really knows how many people care for her and love her...I am hoping that yesterday she saw it.

After we finished visiting & calling hours were over we went to a pizza joint called The Station (as in train station, the town has rail road tracks that are still in use right down then middle of main street.) They have to best pizza EVER! I had tried to go the healthy route and ordered a salad with dressing on the side and took one of the bread sticks Joel ordered. Once the pizza came out Joel took a bit and said "WoW, you have got to taste this, it's the best pizza ever!" Of course with that being said I took one...he was right, it was perfect. I ended up having two slices.

After everything we did yesterday there has been zero motivation around the house today. Landon didn't want to get up for school today, but tomorrow is his last day so he had no choice but to get up and go. When I got home from the bus stop I made my oatmeal. Today it was oats cooked in half water half almond milk with chia seeds and topped with cinnamon. After I eat my breakfast I normal take a shower and get ready for whatever we are doing that day, but today I just curled up on the couch till 10:30. I thought with such a good breakfast that I would be able to really stick to my calorie goal of about 1600 today but, unfortunately I don't think that happened. I had left overs from the station for lunch then I started craving something sweet so I ended up binging on peanut butter and mini chocolate chips. It started out with a small spoonful of pb dipped in the mini chocolate chips...which lead to about 4 more smallish spoon fulls. I stopped counting calories after that and I am determined to do better tomorrow. I am not going to beat myself up about it but I know I can do better. There is a good thing about today's binge...now I have an empty pb jar for oatmeal in the morning! You always have to look for the silver lining!

Make Memories

This morning I woke up just about as tired as I was when I fell asleep the night before. I wasn't in a good mood but not in a bad mood either, for some reason I kept thinking "don't sweat the small stuff" over and over in my head all morning. I just figured that was my little pep talk was just to keep my self up, but then Joel called me about 10am. He seemed overwhelmed and upset with a mess in the bathroom left by one of the kids and after I got off the phone I realized that I was supposed to share that with him.

All too often people complain about "the small stuff," the little things that really don't matter. I often find myself getting extremely overwhelmed with all the mom and wife duties that I have. Like once when I came home on trash day and our trash was sitting at the top of the steps after the truck already passed. That set me off, I got mad and started yelling at Joel and acting stupid...all over the trash. Come on Stacy, really its just trash. Instead of letting that ruin my day I could have just set it aside and enjoyed my family. I mean some folks don't have anyone to come home to after a long day at work. We should all be thankful for what you have & and who you have in your life and cherish every moment we have with them instead of "sweating the small stuff."

I work with a cute little crazy lady who's husband passed about 5 years ago. If you wanna learn anything about love and life find yourself a little old lady who is still, even after death madly in love with her husband and talk to her for a few hours. She once shared with me that the relationships we have in life with our friends and family are the things that we are going to look back at 10 years from now...not the fact that the trash didn't get taken out or the fight we had that one night. Every day you are making memories, what you are doing might seem small and meaningless right now but when you look back chances are that moment & those memories are going to be worth more to you then all the cash in this world.

 With all that being said I think that my family & I made some pretty special memories last night at the Strawberry Festival. We left the house about 6ish and I figured that we would be up there for an hour or so tops just like last year, but we didn't make it home until 11pm! All of us had a blast. We walked around taking in everything that was there. It was huge (to me) there were about 2 of each game, rides everywhere, four different stages, and a ton of food vendors with their greasy fair food.

We all took our turn picking our food & I tried to pick healthy which was a Greek place that had sauteed veggies with shrimp, rice, and a salad...of course it happened to be the most expensive, oh well when in Rome right!?! After we ate we walked some more till we found some really cool mimes. They would act for a minute then freeze till someone would give them money, once the money hit the suitcase they would start again! Landon throw in a hand full of change but it didn't buy him much time...they like the paper stuff!

 Then we went to the rides. Joel, Landon, and Emily rode the Farris wheel, Landon and I rode the zero gravity, and then Emily & Landon rode some small age appropriate rides. I loved watching their faces once the ride starts.

We then needed some dessert so Joel and I split a strawberry short cake and the kids had a chocolate covered funnel cake. While we ate the goods we watched a band perform which that of course means the kids HAD to get up and dance in the streets! Mommy is not much of a dancer but I did join... in just a little.

On the way home the kids watched a movie in the back so that they might stay away till we made it home while Joel and I talked about memories I have with my mom. I hope that one day my kids will be able to look back and remember that each day we spent with them was filled with love and that those memories will last a life time.

Who's that lady?

While I was beginning to lose weight everyone would comment on how great I looked, but I never saw what they were talking about. The numbers on the scale were studly going down & my clothes were getting so big that I was always dropping off bags of clothes to Goodwill, but in my mind I looked the same as I always had. When shopping I still would look for the largest size they had. It's crazy, I would look in the mirror every single day but not even realize how far I had come, my mind just wouldn't let me believe what my eyes saw. In my mind I was still that 260 pound girl.

One day at Walmart Joel and I got away from each other, I watched him walk past me twice then walk up to a heavy set lady who he thought was me. He was so embarrassed that he couldn't tell who his own wife was! On another occasion about 3 weeks ago, we were walking out of Target into the mall when I looked back at Target I caught a glimpse of a girl in the full size mirror that stood in the window. I thought oh she looks good, I love the outfit...then it hit me "Oh my word, that's ME!"

It finally snapped one day when I decided that I was going to be happy with myself & body no matter what. I started this journey to be healthy and that's the most important part. My body was too fat for too long and birthed 3 beautiful children... there will never be perfection or that flat belly and there will always be extra skin and stretch marks. Instead of focusing on what I see as ugly flaws I am going to focus on health.

This morning I weighed in at 149, my lowest weight to date was 138 and I went a little crazy in April and gained 20lbs back, so I am happy to be going back down. In the end my goal is to get to 130-135 range and maintain that weight.

One Proud Mama

Our campfire...very basic

I worked till 3pm on Saturday, about 2pm my babies surprised me at work to show me the most handsome little mohawks that daddy fixed for the boys. After I got off we all met at "the lakes." The kids played at the park for a while while daddy fished, then I bribed my oldest to go for a two mile walk for pizza! He had been begging daddy all day for some Pizza Hut! We ended up getting Little Ceasers and taking it home. I stopped at McDonlads for a Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad because I didn't need the extra calories.

After dinner the kids and I went outside to play. My mom, sister, & her family all live in the downstairs apartment, so my niece Miranda came out to play too. I decided to gather sticks for a bomb fire in our make shift fire pit. Joel came down to get it started and played for a while. He was playing with the gasoline, he put on a little show for the kids... making little fire trails and throwing the fire...they loved every minute of it! All I could think was Stop, Drop, & Roll!

I have a love/hate relationship with fire. In August 2006 our house caught on fire in the middle of the night. God was definitely watching over us that night. My sister fell asleep in the living room and I was feeling sick before bed so my mom took my 8 month old son to her room to make sure I slept. All of the adults made it out of the house with some smoke inhalation, Landon was absolutely fine and untouched.

My Mothers Day Dinner

Mothers Day was a pretty simple day at our house. Emily walked around the house screaming "Happy Day Mommy!" Landon used half a rim of printer paper to make me 12+ Mothers Day cards. One card said "I love Momy" I thought it was so cute. (At one point while trying to surprise me with a card he yelled "I forget how do you spell love?"
We had lunch at a local family owed restaurant, which is normally great but they were sooooo slow. After 55 minutes of waiting on our food to come out I started questioning the waitress. Once the food came up it was pretty good. After the lastest lunch ever my hubby bought us cake pops and coffee from Stabucks.
I can honestly say my kids are addicted to Starbucks (just for the sweet treats...mommy needs the coffee!) After Starbucks my hubby headed home and watched UFC all afternoon long. I stayed in the bedroom with the kids and pouted since I was hoping Joel would have had the kids surprise me with something. After I snapped out on my crabby stage I made dinner, but since we had such a late lunch I wasn't hungry and didn't really wanna cook so I made brownies. Yep brownies for dinner! I thought that I would score some major cool mom points, but rather my 6 year old was very adamant that this was dessert and he wanted food. I tried telling him it was meatloaf and mashed potatoes...he wouldn't buy it!

Ready for kick off, Landon is still glowing from his goal!

Yesterday Landon had a soccer game which I firgured would be canceled since it rained 2 days straight. Only 4 memebers from each team showed. I thought "Oh my word this will be the longest game ever." There are 8 kids on each team & 4 kids sit out while the others pay each quarter. Landon is a larger fellow...tallest in his class, heavest on his team, is clumsy as all get out, and would rather be eating. Last season he stopped durning the last quarter mid play and shouts "Is it snack time yet?"
 

Proud mommy with her loves

They start the game and our little FireBalls were in it to win it, I was so scared that they would get tired early since they were playing so hard so early and they wouldnt have a chance to sit out. They would not give up the ball at all & the only time the other team got a goal...it just happened to be in ours! Landon landed on his face at least once but got right back up. 3rd quarter Landon had an open shot so he kicked that ball as hard as he could and made a picture perfect goal. He was totally shocked! He stopped and locked eyes with me with the cutest little crocked smile as if to say "Did I just do that?" Then once it registered with him and he realized that everyone was cheering for him he started jumping up & down and gave everyone on each team a hi-5. Durning the minute water break he sat down and said very loudly "I am the biggest kid here!" Coach Dave came back with "Thats right so get out there and take control some more." And thats just what he did, he got back out there made another goal and had an assits.

Gone Fishing...

The flower garden starters for Teacher Appreciation week.

This week is teacher appreciation week and I thought that I would make something cute for Landon to give his kindergarten teachers. It didn't go quite as planned since I wanted to give them something different every day this week. So yesterday I ran out to Target about noon to get everything I needed for a flower garden starter kit. I bought I large pack of wild flower seeds, a pack garden tags, gloves, and some garden tools. Later on at Wal-Mart I bought two inpatients. I ended up taking the tools back because I thought about someone could say they were weapons. Better safe then sorry. I then bundled everything up and put a cute little note on it about how teachers help our children grow. It was a free printable that will link if I can find it again!

When we were headed home from Target I drove the back way home in between Summit Park and Meadowbrook, not sure of the road name. Half way down the large hill I saw a older car smashed into the side of the hill and in a ditch. When I passed it there was not a soul in sight (that I could see.) Both airbags had went off. I didn't wanna stop with the kids so I freaked out and call my husband, who served as a first responder/fire fighter for 7 years. Then called 911....I know, I know backwards huh! They said that they would send someone out and to check. I went straight to the bus stop to get Landon and then home to get my hubby for family time. When I ran in the house to grab something I heard then toning out the fire depts. I freaked out... Via the scanner I learned that someone was trapped in the car with multiple injuries & if I understood right one lady made it out of the car but was injured too. Oh My Word...all I could think was that I should have stopped right then & not waited to call 911 (even thought it was only a minute.)  I saw a fire fighter responding that I know from school. I am going to message him and see if everyone was OK. God I pray they were.

On a brighter note my husband bought a fishing pole yesterday, I myself found this kinda strange that he was buying himself something when mothers days is in a few days...shouldn't he be picking me something out! Anyways, all five of us ended up at a little lake in Salem. It was such a nice quite evening, so peaceful. Well expect for the fact that my littlest babies fear NOTHING. Emily almost ended up in the water 3 times & Richard throw his sippy cup and snack cup to the fish. Joel didn't caught anything...he is a cast & reel and do it again kinda guy. I ended up going back to the van with the little ones, while we let the big guys finish up & bonded somemore. Later we went to Dairy Queen. I slipt a Strawberry Cheese Quake mini with Richard...him & I both loved it. And Joel, oh my, he got the sweetest frozen peanut butter hot chocolate. It was so rich and sinnful.

It's a Dunkin' kinda day

Oh yes, I love my husband! He has been working crazy schedules at work & for the last week he has been working 12 hr night shifts. Jokingly I told him to bring us donuts home after work last night, and when I went to the kitchen this morning I found this on the counter!

I like the donuts, but love the cute little note! Thanks Babe <3

Sadly since I started my health life style change I have became kinda OCD about counting calories and meal planning. I get antsy if I don't know whats for dinner that day and I freak out what if I cant find the nutritional info for a restaurant that we are eating at. If I know we are going out to eat I will get that morning and search for the menu on line, count calories, and have my order planned hours before when even head to dinner.

This morning I was planning on making a peanut butter bowl with chocolate oatmeal. I was so dead set on this that I even put in calorie counter last night before bed. So when I saw the donuts on the counter, I decided just to crumble a the toasted coconut donut (300 calories) into 1 serving of old fashion oats. Not too bad, I only ate about 85 more calories with the donut oats than I would have with the chocolate Pb bowl oats.

 I always always always have some kind of oatmeal for breakfast. Borderline. Addiction. Oh Yes! I can count on one hand how many times in the last 6 months the days that I didn't eat my oats. 3. 3 times. You can add just about anything you want to oatmeal & its so easy. My favorite flavor is caramel apple, mmm, my mouth is watering just thinking about them. All I do is cut up an apple throw it in the boiling water, add my oats, then right before I take it off the stove I add those little caramel bits that you find in the baking section of your grocery store. Oh my word, it taste just like a caramel apple! I may just have to add a recipe tab for my crazy oatmeal concoctions.

One year ago if I would have found a dozen donuts on the counter, poor Joel would not have any left to wake up to. I would have binged on every single one. Now I can eat one and feel satisfied, partially because I changed way the way I think about food...food = fuel & I see how food can change peoples life...ie: diabetes. I think people should not cut everything completely out of their diet, just cut back on the amount & limit it to once a day or so. If you want a treat get it, split it with some one, choose the smallest size, or check the nuntrional values before picking...just remember to count the calories.

Too tired.

I have did nothing today at all. I just can't work up any motivation today after working the midnight shift last night, on no sleep. After work & being up for over 24 hrs straight I found myself face down asleep in a tanning bed this morning about 8am. Now I have the slightest tan line across my forehead where my face pressed against the pillow and tanning bed. I made it home shortly after 8 and slept on the couch till 10:30 when my oldest decided that he was hungry and needed me up NOW! Needless to say I have been a tid bit grumpy and tired all day. Landon has a soccer game tonight at 6:30 but secretly I am praying that it is canceled due to rain and mud. Landon's soccer game was canceled-thank you Jesus!

When I was walking to the bus stop yesterday to pick him up there was a massive 5 minute thunder storm, luckily I had my umbrella. I figured they would cancel Landon's soccer pictures but it turned out to be the most beautiful evening. We played at the park where we took pictures, then headed to Dairy Queen. I had a mini strawberry cheese quake blizzard. It was delish and all three of the kids had something with a large amount of chocolate! I know this sounds pretty bad but after DQ we went to McDonald's for a sugar free vanilla iced coffee...I'm addicted!





I had every intention of continuing yesterdays post by adding how I lost 120lbs in just over a year, but honestly with how tired I am I could not put together any words that made since. Maybe tomorrow!?

Spoiler report: 80% diet & 20% exercise. I guess I will write about that on a day I am not so out of it!

Post # Uno! How I got here...

I have always wanted to venture into the world of blogging, but never really had anything to interesting enough to share! But a few days ago I had suddenly felt the urge to make a note on Facebook about my weight loss, I found that it was so easy just to sit back and type away. So here it is...I hope that it is not too boring!

I hope to write daily about my weight loss & my daily struggles with trying to maintain a healthy weight. My main goal with this blog is to try to inspire at least one person, show them that by stepping out on faith and making small changes in their life, that they can have a healthier happier life. I believe that if you set your mind to anything & stays focused you can achieve anything.

My dad & me eating pizza...I'm guessing I was about 3 years old

I was born in January '86. My dad was 51 years old when I was born & had quite a few health issues. When I was 8yrs old he passed away from a massive heart attack, I was with him when he died. Looking back I am happy I was there, but that is too much for any child deal with. It messed me up pretty bad & I buried it deep inside causing issues that at that time I could have never realize. For a while I blocked myself off from the out side world, began to ate to control my emotions, became over weight, depressed, thought about suicide & even tried once, and at 18 I found myself in a mentally abusive relationship.

After finding out that I was pregnant & leaving this relationship, I met my husband & found out what love was really suppose to feel like! In our 4 year marriage we have had 2 more children. Aiming to please & be a good wife/mom, I put myself last. I wanted to some how give my children everything that I didn't have after losing my father. There was no way I could take time out for myself, I thought it had to be all about them. That mind set had pushed me up to 260 lbs (well that & 2 pregnancies in 2 years!)

My family 2011 & me at my largest weight.

Something snapped in me after my mom was put in the hospital shortly after my youngest son was born. Thinking about her possibly leaving this world & having all that pain of my dads death stirring inside made me realize history repeats itself. I am at risk for the same health problems that killed my dad & landed my mom is that hospital bed.I could not risk putting my family through that...I could not live one more day unhealthy. I needed to change my life in order to live for my family.